1. You get back from vacation and look like you got in a bar fight….with a pile of rocks.
2. You’re shocked that some people use their garages for cars.
3. You know your preferred front and rear tire pressure down to a fraction, but you can’t remember your significant other’s birthday.
4. Case, send, shred, taco, whip, rail and charge mean something totally different to you than to non-bikers.
5. When you’re forced to hike, you get through it by pretending you’re on your bike and finding the best lines.
6. “Fixing your hair” means putting it in a power braid and throwing on a trucker hat.
7. Getting dressed for a non-bike event is a challenge because all your tees and hats are bike swag.
8. When you get to the non-bike event you panic because you’re only fluent in Bike Dork.
9. Every gift from your family and friends has a bike on it.
10. Your summer tan is 2” around your mid-calf and 7” around your forearm.
11. People never recognize you in the grocery store because you’re in a helmet and glasses 95% of the time.
12. You don’t have to ask “do you mountain bike?” on a first date because you meet all your dates on the trail.
13. Your weather app should be called “trail conditions” because that’s the only reason you check it.
14. Your social media posts are more than 80% shots of your bike leaning on things.
15. You look forward to New Bike Day more than your birthday… and Christmas… and your wedding.
16. You consider plaid a neutral.
17. You refuse to move unless there’s a trail within 5 miles.
18. You have every possible layer and accessory for every possible weather pattern, but can’t quite figure out how to use them appropriately.
19. You can rattle off the geometry specs of your bike without batting an eye, but can’t tell your nieces and nephews apart.
20. You invest in a skills clinic to learn how to improve your riding.
21. You ride a mountain bike.